If i come over, it means nothing
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
