we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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