I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize