As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
