i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
