lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
