Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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