I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
