omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
