god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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