so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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