still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
