Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
