I want to make a zoo with you.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
