worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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