I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
