just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
