More tranny stories later!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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