He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
