Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize