well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize