I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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