so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
