I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
