If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
