at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
