What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
