i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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