so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
