Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
