were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
