You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i came on her dog
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
