dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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