I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize