Got a toothbrush?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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