Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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