Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
