drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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