I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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