I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
