She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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