HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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