I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
