just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
