Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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