oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
