If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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