by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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