I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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