new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
