I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
