Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
