I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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