he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
