Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
