I wish I could teleport
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I AM VODKA MAN
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
