Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
