My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
