My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
