ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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