im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
