I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
