Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
BRING THE BAGELS
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
